Ninth in an ongoing series
THE GAMING STORE “PORTALS” opened last year on Kent Island, MD, a few minutes’ drive from my home, featuring “Tabletop Thursday” open play from 5:00 to 9:00 pm. Since then, my brother-in-law Drew, Drew’s son Daniel, my neighbor Dylan, and I have often used this opportunity to get together and play using the Grimdark Future rules from OPR Games.
Recently, it was my turn to take on Daniel and his Tyranids (aka Alien Hives in GF), and as is my habit, I asked him which of my 8 (!) armies he wanted to fight. He chose a 4000-point bout against the Kurindans, my Space Lizardmen who use the GF rules for Saurian Starhost.
The Return of “Big G”
Seeing as how we had a lot of points of play with, I decided to bring along a very large old friend:
This is a 12″ Godzilla figure (which I’ve nicknamed “Big G”) that I purchased in 2000. I’ve used him a handful of 40K games over the years, with various rules to represent him, but all of those have been one-off, special scenarios, in the vein of, “Hey, let’s have Godzilla fight your Tyranid Bio-Titan,” or, “Hey, let’s have Godzilla take on all your Imperial Guard tanks.”
One Page Rules (the makers of Grimdark Future) has an app for Patreon supporters (which I am) where you can create your own units–using whatever models and assigning whatever rules you want for them–and the app will calculate point values for you so that you can use them in the game. After a bit of thought, I came up with this for Big G:
For those of you not familiar with GF, what the above means is that Big G has a whole bunch of Wounds, is hard as all get-out to hurt, and tromps across the battlefield spouting two fiery breath weapons each turn: one that nukes tanks or other big monsters, one that nukes squads of infantry. And if anyone gets too close, Big G can step on them, able to wipe out a fat Ork mob or Tyranid brood in a single turn.
He also costs an AMAZING amount of points, the equivalent of 1200 in 40K. For this game, I made him the linchpin of my 4000-point force, surrounding him with relatively cheap, base-line Saurian Warriors whose role was to mop up whatever Big G left. I also included two fire-breathing Dragon Lizards (represented by some classic GW Hydra models from their fantasy line).
Hive Fleet Unpainted
Daniel (who is turning 16 this fall) has been playing Tyranids for over a year, most of the figures originally donated by Jungle Guide Patrick Eibel. He’s added a few more, most recently a massive Bio-Titan model that’s made of resin. Daniel’s Nids always have two or three Big Monsters, plus a few full broods of fast Assault Grunts (aka Hormagaunts).
He’s a good player when he sets his mind to it, but the last few games he’s had against me have not gone well for him. Daniel tends to just rush all of his dudes headlong across the board, not bothering with cover, not picking fights carefully, and not coordinating efforts with units. It’s been easy to pick his Bugs apart, either by sustained gunfire or by combined melee counterattacks.
He usually has phenomenal dice rolls (I swear, I’m going to make “Daniel’s Dice” a magic item in the fantasy TTRPG I’m developing), I offer him advice here and there, and I kid him that he’d win more games if he painted his army.
Daniel always brings a Hive Titan (aka Tyranid Bio-Titan) + one or more Big Bugs + two-four broods of Assault Grunts (aka Hormagaunts). This game was no exception.
Setting Up
Because I have way more wargaming experience than any of the other three chaps in our little group, I send my lists to them ahead of time; I let them arrange the table any way they like; and I let them choose whatever side they want. Daniel put down a minimal amount of scenery, as well as three craters to mark the three objectives for the game.
We deployed: I put Big G in the center, flanked him on each side with the Dragon Lizards, then padded out my lines with 12-man squads of Saurian Warriors. Daniel mirrored my deployment, placing his Hive Titan directly across from Big G, flanking it with two Big Bugs, and filling out with Assault Grunt broods. He also had a couple of units kept in reserve.
The Game
Turn 1 started with Daniel and I moving our biggest guns forward and engaging each other. Big G fired his Atomic Breath Bolt into the Hive Titan, knocking 12 Wounds off it, then fired an Atomic Breath Blast into a nearby brood of Grunts, vaporizing all of them. For maximum dickishness, I then used my phone to play this irritating clip of Godzilla’ signature roar.
Feeling feisty, Daniel charged his Hive Titan at Big G, knocking several Wounds off him. AROOOOO! Big G kicked back, further injuring the Big Bug, and the fight continued.
Daniel and I then took turns advanced the rest of our forces toward each other, with Daniel’s shooty Bugs blasting the oncoming Saurian Warriors, my meat-and-potatoes troops.
Beginning on Turn 2, the Saurian Warriors started charging or being charged by Daniel’s Assault Grunts and larger Bugs, dishing out and taking some hits as they scrapped over the objectives.
Big G had no difficulties incinerating the Hive Titan–24 Wounds and several hundred points of Great Big Bug–leaving a very large hole in Daniel’s lines. If young Daniel-San was going to win, he would need to do something very drastic very quickly.
What he chose to do was sic a Shadow Hunter (the equivalent of a 40K Lictor) on Big G, who sprang up from behind (using Infiltrate) and rushed into close combat. As you might imagine, this literal anklebiter did not last long against the King of the Monsters, who squashed him underfoot. Not unlike this classic vignette:
Meanwhile, Daniel’s troops and mine kept slugging it out, with “Barbie”–so nicknamed because it’s partially painted pink–the Artillery Great Beast (the equivalent of a Tyranid Exocrine) blasting my basic Purple People Eaters (each of whom has stats similar to a Genestealer).
Because I had more squads, and because I supported them with the Dragon Lizards, I slowly began to win this battle of attrition amongst the rank-and-file.
By Turn 3, things were looking quite grim for Young Master Daniel, so he had “Tino,” his Carnivo-Rex (aka Carnifex) attack Big G in close combat.
He also brought out of a reserve a large brood of Winged Grunts (aka Gargoyles) to try to deny an objective to one of my squads.
Both of these half-hearted efforts were much too late: Big G simply kicked Tino into orbit, and the Saurians hacked down the Winged Grunts. Big G also continued to spit fire, destroying the remaining Alien Hive Broods. Early into Turn 4, Daniel was left with no figures on the board.
Post-Game Analysis
Many years ago, I regularly read the sports column Tuesday Morning Quarterback, by Gregg Easterbrook (who has kept TMQ going on his Substack, “All Predictions Wrong”), and one phrase that Mr. Easterbrook often used was, “You cannot dance with the champ: you must knock him out.”
Despite me telling Daniel days in advance that I was bringing Big G, and despite me sending him Big G’s stats along with the rest of my army list, Daniel did not read up on what he could do, and made no preparations to counter him. During the whole game, Daniel danced with the champ, and he got knocked out.
What Daniel should have done (besides read what I sent him) was throw his Hive Titan, Tino, and Barbie at Big G at once, instead of having the Hive Titan go it alone. He also should have started the Shadow Hunter and the Winged Grunts on the board so that they could, from the get-go, combine efforts with the medium-sized Bugs and the Assault Grunts against my Saurians and Dragon Lizards.
Even if he had done that, I don’t know that Daniel would have won, but it would have been a much more competitive game. As for me, I had a great time getting to use Big G in a game again instead of just as a shelf decoration in my office. Dylan has recently purchased a Baneblade, and I think Big G wants a piece of it. Maybe some other time….
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FMSP is the game I’ve been wanting to build for the past 30 years, and soon I can share it with you. I have not used any AI when writing or editing FMSP, or for any of its artwork, because AI sucks, and you deserve better.
FMSP is a labor of love designed by gamers for gamers; it’s not a cash grab by a big corporation that only cares about churning out product. Everything the players need will be in one slim, softcover volume. A separate book (about the same size) for the game master will cover monsters, treasure, and magical items. That’s it. Nothing else needed. All reasonably priced, with minimal frills. And, of course, there will be digital versions you can pull up on your phone.
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Kenton Kilgore writes books for kids, young adults, and adults who are still young. Follow Kenton on Facebook for frequent posts on sci-fi, fantasy, and other speculative fiction. You can also catch him on Instagram.